Why not wake up in great skin?

Oooh, nice one, stalker. Very speedy of you. I suppose you now deserve a post. How unfortunate.

I keep forgetting to tell my friends this, but it's a very pressing (and entertaining, and interesting, and adorable) matter. WE HAVE A RACOON NEST IN OUR ATTIC. I mean, I don't even know if we HAVE an attic; it might just be a crawl space. BUT THERE IS A RACOON NEST IN IT. At first, it freaked me out a lot whenever I heard them crawling around above my head and making their weird chirpy noises, because they sounded like the baby animals in the movie "Evolution." But then I realized that there are little baby racoons living mere feet above my head, so whenever I hear them now, I smile.

They are my friends. My dad is going to trap them and release them in Port Washington. I will miss them.

Florida kicked ass. I'm going to reveal something very personal right now; are you ready? Since you can't answer, I'll continue anyway. I WORE A BIKINI. I hope my loyal readers aren't thinking, "Ew. Oh my god. Ew. Like, ew. Like, CC in a bikini. Ew." Because... I have something more to share. One of the bikinis ["bikini" is probably the weirdest word ever; think about it] I wore was a STRING BIKINI. And, I brought a tankini, but when I put it on one day, I realized I didn't like it. And I realized I didn't like board shorts. The shorts make my torso look very short (which it is), and the tankini made my stomach look gross. Grosser than the bikini did.

I KNOW. YEAH, I KNOW.

Oh my god. "Ten Years Younger" has a new host. I'm so happy! I hated the other host. He was so annoying. Oooh, cute guy looking at him in the soundproof box. OOOOH, he has a Scottish accent. And there's one with a British accent! This is so exciting! There are so many cute guys on this show! I guess before the weird, annoying, stupid host scared them away.

I'm waiting for the dryer repairman. He was supposed to be here by 1:00 p.m. He's LATE. I'm glad. I'm scared of him. And if the place calls, to say he's not coming, then I have to pick up. And that's even scarier.

Now I'm watching "A Haunting." This show is so cool. Except the actors they choose to reinact (is that how you spell it?) the scenes look nothing like the actual people. Oooh, one of them has a Scottish accent! Oh, but see, the actor is really cute, but the real guy has an earring and is all gross. They set me up for such disappointment, it's not fair.

I like the actor, though.

My Celebrity Crush of the Moment is on Jon Heder. I'll copy and paste why off my Kaboodle page, where I put him on my list called "Dream Boys." "John Heder is my celebrity crush of the moment. He's really cute, he's an awesome actor, and he's outliving the, 'Who's Jon Heder? Oh, that guy who played Napoleon Dynamite?' I love his work, I love his look, and I'll bet he's non-imposing. I truly do like him."

Speaking of my Kaboodle, you guys should definitely check it out. Get me some presents. Maybe now, or maybe for my birthday. <http://www.kaboodle.com/swedishphish116>

I want to have a party today but nobody can host it. It's pissing me off. Everything is always at mine/Hayden's house, but neither of us can do it this time, so it's not going to happen.

I like the "Orkin" commercials. The guy looks cuddly.

RELAY FOR LIFE, PEOPLE. SIGN UP FOR MY TEAM. (If, and only if, I like you. Hey, you know what, ask me first. E-mail me: swedishphish116@gmail.com. If I don't like you, I'll make up some bullshit excuse, like, "Oh, we're full." Which is complete bullshit.) DONATE. WE'VE GOT TO GET GOING.

Ooooh, "American Pie 2" is on. YES. Hahahahahahahah. He just glued his hands to his peepee. Hahahahahahahahahah. And now his hands are glued to the porn tape, too. Hahahahahah. I love these movies. I sympathize. Not that I've, you know, ever watched porn, or had a penis.

Dryer man is fifteen minutes late. More or less. He was supposed to be here BY one.

Hahahah, Finch.

Hahahah, Stifler.

Dryer man is here. Should I continue to watch American Pie, right next to the basement door, since he's in the basement? Should I move to the playroom? IT'S SUCH A DILEMMA.

I don't know what to do. I'm scared. Help me.

I don't like wine. That makes me a freak.

Hey, I want to have a cinco de mayo party. With plenty of tequila and margaritas. Ay, ay, ay, ay! Ariba!

Identity theft is COOL.

No, it's not.

Now I'm just blogging words. I suck. Here, I'll put some pictures on of my vacation on Orchid Island. (I don't like to say I was in Florida. Florida sucks. Everyone's like, "Yay, Florida!" And I don't like Florida. It's so mainstream and elderly. Tons of prune juice. I say I was on Orchid Island.)

No, I won't. That takes too much effort.

Dryer man was very nice. I like him.

Hahahahah, American Pie.

Right, I'm done.